Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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