dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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