You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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