My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
