1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
