I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize