I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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