Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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