Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
