Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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