he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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