He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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