a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
