My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
