you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
