when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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