I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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