reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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