I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize