I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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