I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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