how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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