I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize