drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
