Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
FUCK WHALES
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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