Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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