he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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