Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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