I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
