Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
