am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
