she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she smelled like a LAN party
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
