dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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