can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
