pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And then he peed in my hair
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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