so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
