Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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