I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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