OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
