My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize