Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize