If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
