I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
