I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
