Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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