why didn't you poke me back
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
