Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
