im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize