piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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