Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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