Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
