What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
