I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
