Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
