I think I died a long time ago.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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