Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
