man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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