a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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