Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
