Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
