Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
