We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize