I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
