Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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